Cigar Saloon Exclusive. The Saloon has acquired the following review of the Fuente Hemingway cigar, recently uncovered by Wikileaks, and written by the great writer himself. Of course, for legal reasons we cannot say how this long-lost literary treasure fell on our laps. Let's just say that, if you look closely, a copy of Hemingway's papers can be seen in the photos of Kate Middleton in her birthday suit. We felt it was our responsibility to share this with you ASAP, so here it is, unedited and in its entirety.
ARTURO FUENTE HEMINGWAY REVIEW
I had just ordered a mojito when I heard the bell from the Havana Cathedral toll for me, so I left my post at the fifth column of Sloppy Joe's Bar in Key West, boarded the Pilar and began the moveable feast accross the Florida Straits to my island in the stream. I shook my glass well to seal the union of the lime and the bitters, smelled the rum to make sure that it was strong, brought the drink to my lips, and sipped it slowly. It was cold and crisp and good. A mojito is a man's drink and should be savored with an Arturo Fuente Hemingway cigar, which I took from the pocket of my guayabera and lit with the Dupont lighter I had won arm wrestling against a manly fascist waitress in Chicote's Bar in Madrid during the Spanish Civil War. It was true at first light.
As I crossed the stream on the Pilar toward Cuba and the sun also rose, I realized that I was in a slump and needed to either reclaim my title or retire. All or nothing. To have or have not. The Fuente Hemingway lifted the fog from my mind and helped me see this with clarity. I made out the outline of the Hemingway Marina accross the River and through the trees from my Havana. Havana in the old days brought out the truth in a man's soul, much like the Fuente Hemingway. This is a wonderful cigar, wrapped with toothy tobacco grown in the valleys of Cameroon far below the snows of Kilimanjaro but above the Garden of Eden. The lovely perfecto is sweet, flavorful, balanced, burns evenly, and drags well.
I truly would have been pleased to spend my life smoking Fuente cigars and loitering in the Floridita and I had decided to do just that when I saw a man board a small skiff in Cojimar. I realized then that there would be no farewell to arms today. Here was a new story to write, one that would reclaim my title, something about this old man and the sea...Mamey CS Rating-4.0
ARTURO FUENTE HEMINGWAY REVIEW
I had just ordered a mojito when I heard the bell from the Havana Cathedral toll for me, so I left my post at the fifth column of Sloppy Joe's Bar in Key West, boarded the Pilar and began the moveable feast accross the Florida Straits to my island in the stream. I shook my glass well to seal the union of the lime and the bitters, smelled the rum to make sure that it was strong, brought the drink to my lips, and sipped it slowly. It was cold and crisp and good. A mojito is a man's drink and should be savored with an Arturo Fuente Hemingway cigar, which I took from the pocket of my guayabera and lit with the Dupont lighter I had won arm wrestling against a manly fascist waitress in Chicote's Bar in Madrid during the Spanish Civil War. It was true at first light.
As I crossed the stream on the Pilar toward Cuba and the sun also rose, I realized that I was in a slump and needed to either reclaim my title or retire. All or nothing. To have or have not. The Fuente Hemingway lifted the fog from my mind and helped me see this with clarity. I made out the outline of the Hemingway Marina accross the River and through the trees from my Havana. Havana in the old days brought out the truth in a man's soul, much like the Fuente Hemingway. This is a wonderful cigar, wrapped with toothy tobacco grown in the valleys of Cameroon far below the snows of Kilimanjaro but above the Garden of Eden. The lovely perfecto is sweet, flavorful, balanced, burns evenly, and drags well.
I truly would have been pleased to spend my life smoking Fuente cigars and loitering in the Floridita and I had decided to do just that when I saw a man board a small skiff in Cojimar. I realized then that there would be no farewell to arms today. Here was a new story to write, one that would reclaim my title, something about this old man and the sea...Mamey CS Rating-4.0
Papa Mio! It's hard to believe that the Cigar Saloon, aside from being the premiere Cigar blog, has also proven itself to be the Robert Ballard of the literary world. The authenticity of the review, an in the words of the ever-veracious Obama administration is SELF-EVIDENT. CS has a world-class crack staff for sure.
ReplyDeleteI have also tried the Fuente Hemingway, and although the eloquence of my words fall leagues short of the absinthe-induced, animal hunting, communist apologist, ungrateful son, philandering husband, neglectful father, legendary writer -- I agree with the great man himself. What I liked best about the stick was the way it looks, it's almost a shame to smoke it. And the drag is consuming. Concur with the CS 4.0 Rating -- spot on Papa!
Oh, how I wish that this long lost review had answered the bedeviling question that has surrounded the cosmos for 60 years -- who WAS better: Adolfo Luque or Mike Gonzalez?
El Alcalde
Great literary work, Mamey, but out of all that the review comes down to this...” The lovely perfecto is sweet, flavorful, balanced, burns evenly, and drags well.”...Flavorful? What kind of flavor (chocolate, earthy, nutty, coffee?) Balanced? In what sense? Is the cigar spicy? I buy cigars primarily for the flavor and not the smoke, I read cigar reviews primarily for substance of why I should or shouldn't try smoking it. A little more information on the cigar would be appreciated.
ReplyDeleteDiamond E
Hey, don't shoot the pony express courier in the back, padner! I'm flattered that you think I'm capable of great writing, but I was only trying to deliver the great man's review-- not claim it as my own. That would be plagiarism!
ReplyDeleteI agree that more could have been said about the stogie, but remember that Hemingway was the minimalist giant of American letters, kinda like what Steve Jobs did for high tech gadgetry. Maybe it's not what you or I would have written, but then again I don't have a Nobel
Prize in my trophy case.
Now I must admit that I understood what he was saying about the cigar in that one great, inspired sentence you reference. For example,balanced to me means that the AFH had just the right combination of creamy, spicy, and toasty flavors, none of which overpowered the
other, as opposed to a Rocky Patel Prodigy which begins with a pepper blast and then quickly turns to mush. No pepper blast or mush in this beautiful stick!
I would think a man who writes longer comments than reviews like yourself would appreciate that. Heck, maybe if you could see your way clear to work in at least one Fuente Hemingway into your rotation of limp HdMs you would too. Just a thought.--Mamey
Ok, lets keep it short, I can't write as well as Hemingway, but I can provide informative Cigar reviews. Thanks for your clarifications.
ReplyDeleteDiamond E
Now there, Diamond E may be guilty of blindly and recklessly sniping the messenger, but as one that is no slouch in the sniping department, I can say that there is more than a kernel of truth to his comment. What the hell does "flavorful" mean to Hemingway? Was it intentional vagueness of the type that creates sects as each devotee develops their own theory and conclusions? That's exactly how civil wars begin; breathes life into religious wars that creates bastardizations such as The Church of the Gay Elvis and other perversions. I may have to snatch me one of those AFH's in chime in with cold facts. That's how Festus sees it.
ReplyDeleteYep -- Diamond E is my type of wrangler -- calls that fluff when he sees it. Perhaps that degenerate was completely on the sauce when he smoked that AFH. Wonder what he smoked in Ketchum. Not trying to be mean or overly feisty here. Just a lil' Festus afterthought.
ReplyDeleteI reckon Festus should leave the saloon and join the Dodge City Ladies Sewing Circle since he loves to nitpick so much.
ReplyDeleteBesides, Papa was good for business and I reckon his books will give the saloon biz a boost for quite a spell. --Miss Kitty
Arhhhh, buzz off Miss Kitty, you sassy sanctimonious strumpet. You know what I do to men who talk to me like that? Ask Matt. I crack their lousy head, have them hanged, then drag their corpse through mud. Ever wonder why Bowmenstrual never shown his fair face in the saloon again?
ReplyDeleteAs long as you're here, let me ask you: what wrapper do you fancy: Cameroon or Connecticut
Just being Festus
I like Chester more than Festus.--Miss Kitty
ReplyDelete