Don't worry, Cigar Saloon is not drifting to R-rated mode, not just yet anyways. The question is a serious one -- have you ever tried a Kinky cigar? As in Kinky Friedman, the erstwhile musician and songwriter from the 1970s. His band, Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys, hit it big with sentimental ballads such as "Asshole from El Paso" and heart-rendering gospel such as "They Ain't Making Jews Like Jesus Anymore". And let's not forget the tender and romantic "Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and your Buns in Bed".
Kinky, with wit and quips that evoke the spirit of Mark Twain and Will Rogers, is almost always seen with a cigar. Kinky and cigar were in full display in 2006 when he ran for Governor of Texas as an Independent. So when I saw that he had a line of cigars, I immediately ordered a box of the Texas Jewboy Maduro Torpedo (6 in x 56 ring gauge). The box of 20 cost me $120 in January, now they are selling for $158.
The filler is Honduran and Nicaraguan; the binder is Costa Rican; and the wrapper is Honduran. I ordered through an internet retailer and it took me forever to get the cigars, at least two months. The cigar merchant blamed the "fucking Texans" for the delay and my anticipation to try a Jewboy only rose with each broken delivery date promise.
Upon opening the package I couldn't help but notice how impressive the box looks, with all the Texas bullshit stuff and the Star of David and Texas Jewboy etched on the side of the deep reddish/orange box. The cigar label is equally cool. It's a double label and I didn't know if I should smoke the damn thing or just admire the label. I smoked it.
The cigar totally sucks! The taste is awful. Let's see, how to describe? It tastes like you are smoking a cigar that was lit and half-smoked the day before and then crushed into an ashtray. This emetic posing as a cigar lets out a taste that one can only associate with a hint of vomit-coated leather and a sprinkling of stale coffee that has been laying on the bottom of a trash can at LaGuardia airport at the end of Labor Day weekend. The taste of the cigar was actually leagues better than the horrible, sloppy construction of the stick. It is an unmitigated disaster of a cigar. I think I have 8 or so Texas Jewboys still sitting in my humidor. I smoked one last night hoping that by some miracle it would be less offensive. No way, it was a piece of shit. I guess we are R-rated after all. Who gives a shit?
CS Rating: 1 (and I'm being generous)
Box and Label: 5
El Alcalde
What a great post and review. Sounds like the those cigars would be great for a rum infusion test, although don't was any Zacapa on them!
ReplyDeleteDiamond E
OK, have more time now. This was very entertaining to read and created a bad taste in my mouth (nice writing). Mybe you can put a different cigar label on it (a la Mark Twain)and see if you can find someone who likes it.
ReplyDeleteActually the fine cigar label delayed my sesnse of repulsion. I will rum infuse. What do you think....Meyer's?
ReplyDeleteEl A
Yes Meyers, two wrongs may make a right.
ReplyDeleteDiamond E
I have a fireplace "humidor" I could put them in for you if the infusion doesn't work out.--Mamey
ReplyDelete